CHAPTER 1
Jamie
"Daa-DEEE!"
Jamie looked up from the computer to see Mia scowling at him, her face grumpy.
"Hey! I thought you were downstairs with Uncle Billy."
"He fell asleep. Like this—" Mia tilted her head back, closed her eyes, and pretended to snore.
Jamie smiled as though it was funny, but, internally, he winced. Uncle Billy, at 76 and in declining health, had started falling asleep at the front desk. That was not a good look for customers. And it increased the possibility of theft since anyone could just walk out with an armload full of books while Uncle Billy snoozed away.
Jamie had suggested to Uncle Billy a few times that they hire someone to work the front desk, but he would have none of it.
I've been at the front desk of Raven Books for thirty years. I'm not ready to leave it yet.
"He fell asleep? Well, why don't you hang out with me and we can chillax?" He pulled Mia onto his lap. For a moment, her sharp-ass knees threatened to cause serious damage to body parts he treasured, but then she turned and settled.
"What are you doin'?" Mia pointed at the computer screen.
"I was looking at some ideas for the cafe. Wanna see?"
Mia nodded, and Jamie showed her the pictures he'd found. Personally, he loved the pink retro 50s design, complete with poodle-skirt lampshades. Too fun! But that would clash with the older exposed-brick look of the rest of the bookstore.
Some might call the store's current theme decrepit, but Jamie refused to be negative.
So for harmony's sake, he was leaning toward a look that featured a cool pale green, lots of chrome, and ferns. He could inject a bit of whimsy with a judicious use of a raven motif to go with the name of the store. Something Poe-esque.
"We'll have cookies, and coffee, and juice and—"
"I know, Daddy," Mia said impatiently. "But when can we make a cafe?"
"I've told you, Munch. After Uncle Billy retires."
"But why? Why can't we do it now?"
Out of the mouths of babes. Jamie fingered the three studs in his right ear and shifted Mia on his thigh. She was a solid little girl, and at six years old, she was heavy. But it wouldn't be too many more years before she'd be too big to sit on his lap at all. And, God, he would miss that.
"Well… Uncle Billy's had this store for a very long time, and people get used to things being a certain way."
Especially old people. Especially Uncle Billy.
"That's dumb!" Mia wriggled down, clearly bored with Jamie's pictures.
He didn't blame her. He'd been playing around with ideas for the bookstore for years now. And so far, very few of them had actually come about. At her tender age, Mia was already learning to be a skeptic about Daddy's dreams.
Awesome! That wasn't pathetic at all.
"Can we go orga-gize the kids’ books?" she asked hopefully.
"Sure, Munch."
There were a dozen customers browsing on the second floor of Raven Books on this rainy November Thursday at 5 o'clock. But no one needed anything at the moment. Jamie put the Be Right Back placard up on the round central desk and followed Mia toward the far back corner.
Raven Books was vast—as in dinosaur vast. And it was nearly as ancient. They carried books on practically every subject you could think of and lots of them, both new and used. They even had an entire room of maps and books in various languages. But the kids' room was special. It was the one room Uncle Billy had allowed them to update somewhat—he could never say no to Mia.
They'd painted the walls sky blue with white clouds—Mia's idea. There was a colorful rug that was made up of individual blocks in bold primary colors. There was a play area with donated toys—Barbies and Legos were the most popular. And there were, of course, plenty of short bookshelves stuffed with books and organized by age range.
Mia was a bookstore baby. She'd practically lived in the store since she was born. When she was tiny, Jamie wore her in a chest snuggler while he talked to customers, worked the register, or shelved books. And when she began to walk, either he or Uncle Billy would keep her by their side. She'd been a good toddler and was usually content sitting on a blanket playing with a bag of colorful quilt blocks Jamie had found in the back room.
Mia knew more about the bookstore than any summer intern they'd ever hired. Which was possibly a bad thing to say about their summer interns, but then, Mia was exceptional, if Jamie did say so himself.
The children's room was Mia's domain, and she knew it like the back of her hand. She loved to "orga-gize" the books, looking over each shelf to make sure a book had not been put back in the wrong spot and moving it if it had. She straightened tilted books, righted upside-down books, and notified Jamie about spills and damage.
Not many kids got to have what was essentially a library at their disposal, and Mia loved taking care of the books and reading them. She was at least a third-grade reading level. Jamie worried a little, because he didn't want her moved up in school. From what he'd researched, that could lead to social problems with her peers. But so far, her first-grade teacher had kept Mia happy and learning.
The part that got to Jamie the most was the way Mia was so generous with the books. She loved talking to the kids who came in and showing them books she thought they'd like. There were moments when Jamie was so proud of her, his heart felt like it would literally burst. And if becoming Mia's daddy at eighteen had cost him a lot, it had given him back way more. The balance sheet was way in the green.
"Daddy, you get the trash." Mia hummed to herself and went to the bookshelf on the left—the "baby books"—to make sure everything was in order.
Jamie saluted. "Aye aye, captain."
He moved deeper into the space, looking around. Juice boxes and snack wrappers had a way of spontaneously generating in the kids' room. Sometimes even bits of clothing. Once they'd found a pair of glittery pink sandals Mia had loved. After spending the requisite time in Lost and Found, she'd worn them until they fell apart.
As he rounded the bookshelves in the middle of the room, the reading nook came into view. A low futon couch, standing lamp, and a rounded cushiony coffee table made a cozy space that was safe for fragile baby heads. Mia could often be found here reading by herself. Or sometimes even napping on the couch.
But this afternoon, there was a mom and a little girl in the space. Jamie was momentarily startled. He didn't recall seeing them come up the stairs from the first floor. And he would have noticed these two. The mom was a beautiful young woman with caramel skin and a halo of black curls. She had a mini-me of about three in her lap. She was reading The Littlest Angel.
Ugh, Jamie couldn't even with that book. It always made him tear up.
Mom and toddler both looked up when Jamie came into view.
"Hey, guys," Jamie said.
"Hi, Jamie. I’m Clarice. I hope you don’t mind. We've made ourselves at home." The woman gave him a beatific smile.
Jamie blinked at being called by his name. Then he glanced down at the name tag on his chest. Right.
He smiled back. "I'm glad, Clarice. That's what this space is for. Don't mind me."
He looked around the area while the mom went back to her reading. There were some things in the little plastic-lined trash can, so he picked it up to be emptied.
But when he turned to leave the nook, he saw Mia. She was standing next to a bookshelf, her gaze on the mom and little girl. Mia's thumb was in her mouth and she stared, transfixed.
Jamie swallowed hard.
It had taken a good six months to get Mia to stop sucking her thumb. She almost never did these days unless she was way overtired or stressed.
Or feeling sad.
Jamie glanced back at the mom and child, and then at Mia. Heat bloomed in his chest. Sadness. Guilt.
Maybe he wasn't the greatest dad in the world, but he tried. Goddammit, he tried so hard. But there was one thing he could never be for Mia, no matter how many tea parties he held with her or how many times they played dress-up. He would never be Mia's mother.
Was Mia doomed to be permanently scarred because of her lack of a maternal role model? The support group he belonged to online assured him the answer was no. But they suggested she'd benefit from having women in her circle of support.
Mia's "circle of support" was rather tiny, unfortunately. It consisted of Jamie and Uncle Billy and, to a lesser extent, the LGBTQ group that met at the bookstore once a month. But even though a few women in that group, Kassandra and Amy especially, adored Mia, they weren't around her enough.
Fortunately, Mia's first-grade teacher, Missy Anders, was a gem. She was down-to-earth and super nice. Mia adored her. Jamie just hoped that when the year ended, it wasn't traumatic for Mia to say goodbye and move on.
He went up to Mia now and cupped her head with his hand. God, he loved her dark curls. They were still baby-soft.
She didn't acknowledge him. She just stared at the mom and toddler.
Jamie squatted down beside her. "Hey, Mia. It's almost time for lunch. Wanna go help me make some sandwiches in the kitchen?"
Mia blinked and reluctantly tore her gaze away. She looked at Jamie with those big, brown eyes, gave a heavy sigh, and nodded. "Orange cheese and mayo. No pickles."
"Pickles? Well, I'd never!" Jamie agreed, taking her hand and leading the way.